Do you ever get the feeling you are ready for good depression? I have only had one and it lead to a profound reorientation of my life, spirituality and identity. I am deeply grateful for it … on this side. But, I feel like I am ready for another. Maybe a good midlife one… I am do! Maybe I will cut my hair, take out my earring and grow up…. or maybe not. Maybe it will be an identity crises depression. Who am I? That is a good bewildering question?
In some ways, this not-yet-but-maybe depression feels related to my pastoral identity. What is a pastor anyway?… especially these days when the church is in its own identity crises. Who am I as a Pastor? Who am I as a Pastor of Covenant Community? My community is in a time of transition, moving form a Pastor size church – when I was center and central to a Team size church where multiple leaders and good process are center and central. Do you see the problem… I LIKE being the center. (some would say LOVE being the center)
I am reading an interesting book, that doesn’t help! It’s called the Art of Pastoring: Contemplative Reflections by William C Martin. Here are a few excerpts.
Thought 3 - Visions
“I wise pastor does not inspire the people
with grand visions
for the visions will become idols.
A prudent minister will not call attention to achievement
for that will separate people into “achievers”
and “non-achievers”
The follower of the Spirit will not encourage
displays of wealth
for all will be dissatisfied.
But the one who serves the Spirit
will quiet the noisy heart,
clarify sight,
simplify the busy life,
and reduce the plethora of needs
so the people may see clearly and with purity
without being pushed or pulled.
The parish becomes holy on its own.”
(Here is another)
Thought 17 – Congregation
“When your congregation despises you,
it is a great sorrow.
When your congregation holds you in awe,
it seems somewhat better.
When your congregation praises you for and wide,
it seems even better still.
But when your congregation hardly notices
that you exist,
you have become a pastor.
How do you feel about your congregation
deep within your heart?
That is what thy will become.
When the pastor’s work is done,
the congregation will truthfully say,
“We did it ourselves.”
and the pastor will rejoice.”
(One more)
“You are not called to bring inspiration to people. Rather loosen the tightness in their chest that restricts their breathing, and their lungs will gratefully expand of their own accord and they will inspire themselves.”
Did you hear those crazy words, “don’t inspire with grand visions,” and “when your congregation hardly notices that you exist you have become a pastor” – what the hell!
I know its true though. Covenant was built with Liz Kaznak and I at the center, but we can’t continue to grow that way. I do think Covenant needs me, maybe more than ever, they just need me in a different way.
So maybe a good depression and identity crises will be good for all of us. Bring it!
